Probably been posted before but still funny:
Chuck Norris can assemble the entire contents of an IKEA store without
>instructions or an alan key.
>
>When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his
>vegetables.
>
>Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "Chuck Norris".
>
>If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your
>life.
>
>Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance
>Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.
>
>What color is Chuck Norris's blood? Trick question.Chuck Norris does not
>bleed.
>
>Chuck Norris once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
>half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
>
>When Chuck stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
>
>If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken,
>but Chuck Norris says its beef. Then it's beef.
>
>James Bond has a license to kill. Chuck Norris don't need any licenses.
>
>Chuck Norris calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one
>fools Chuck Norris.
>
>1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair
>fight.
>
>Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
>
>Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
>
>You can lead a horse to water. Chuck Norris can make him drink.
>
>Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him
>blink.
>
>Simon Says should be renamed to Chuck Norris Says because if Chuck
>Norris says something then you better do it.
>
>Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
>
>When Google can't find something, it asks Chuck Norris for help.
>
>There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Chuck Norris way. It's
>basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
>
>When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
>
>Chuck Norris once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball
>point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."
>
>Chuck Norris has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
>
>When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck
>Norris.
>
>Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
>
>People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can assemble the entire contents of an IKEA store without
>instructions or an alan key.
>
>When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his
>vegetables.
>
>Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "Chuck Norris".
>
>If you wake up in the morning, it's because Chuck Norris spared your
>life.
>
>Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance
>Armstrong it wasn't a big deal.
>
>What color is Chuck Norris's blood? Trick question.Chuck Norris does not
>bleed.
>
>Chuck Norris once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
>half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
>
>When Chuck stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
>
>If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken,
>but Chuck Norris says its beef. Then it's beef.
>
>James Bond has a license to kill. Chuck Norris don't need any licenses.
>
>Chuck Norris calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one
>fools Chuck Norris.
>
>1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Chuck Norris. Sounds like a fair
>fight.
>
>Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
>
>Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
>
>You can lead a horse to water. Chuck Norris can make him drink.
>
>Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him
>blink.
>
>Simon Says should be renamed to Chuck Norris Says because if Chuck
>Norris says something then you better do it.
>
>Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
>
>When Google can't find something, it asks Chuck Norris for help.
>
>There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Chuck Norris way. It's
>basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
>
>When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
>
>Chuck Norris once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball
>point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."
>
>Chuck Norris has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
>
>When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck
>Norris.
>
>Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
>
>People with amnesia still remember Chuck Norris
