JMB RetrofitsChris Nott
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  1. #1
    C_Audiboy's Avatar
    Vroom Vroom

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    Well folks, what have you just had???

    Well it was a Lincoln Log for me .......

    Poo


    THE GHOST POO: The kind of poo where you feel it come out and you know
    you`ve done it, but when you wipe there is nothing on the paper and
    there is no poo in the toilet. God! That is scary!

    THE TEFLON POO: The sort of poo which is so smooth and streamlined that
    it virtually falls out of your bottom. You can see poo in the toilet but
    there is nothing on the toilet paper.

    THE HOT TAR POO: The kind of poo where even after 50 wipes you are still
    getting staining on the paper so you have to put some bog roll between
    your bum cheeks and in your underwear to prevent skid marks.

    THE SECOND THOUGHT POO: Just as you think you`ve finished your poo and
    have painstakingly wiped yourself clean and pulled your pants up to the
    knees, you realize there is still some more poo to come.

    THE LINCOLN LOG: The kind of poo that`s so huge you`re afraid that it
    will not flush down the toilet unless you break it up into little pieces
    with the bog brush. This poo only happens when you are at somebody
    else`s house.

    THE SWEETCORN POO: Self explanatory.

    THE "I WISH I COULD POO" POO: You really fell as if you need a poo but
    every time you try to dump your load, all you manage is a couple of
    farts.

    THE SIDE BIRTH POO: This poo hurts so much that you swear it`s coming
    out sideways, your eyes water and you will probably need stitches.

    THE FISHERMAN`S BOBBER POO: You do your poo and flush two times but
    there is still a floater at the water line.

    THE SULTANA POO: This type of poo is really frustrating. You get
    yourself prepared for a "SIDE BIRTH" and spend about half an hour
    sweating it out on the bog, but all you manage in the end is a small
    plop resembling a sultana.

    GOOEY POOEY:- This has the consistency of tar, You wipe 12 times and you
    still don't come clean. In fact, you couldn't get it clean with gasoline
    on a rag.

    POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO:- This is the kind of poo that killed
    Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling
    and purple from straining so hard.

    WEIGHT WATCHERS:- You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.

    RIGHT NOW POO:- You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn
    rubber getting there. Usually it has it's head out before you can get
    your pants off.

    KING KONG OR COMMODE CHOKER POO:- This one is so big that you know it
    won't go down the pan unless you break it up into smaller chunks. A wire
    coathanger works well. This kind of poo usually happens at somebody
    else's house.

    WET CHEEKS POO:- This poo hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash
    that gets you all wet.

    WISH POO:- You sit there all cramped up and fart a coupe of times, but
    no poo.

    CEMENT BLOCK POO:- (usually with extra blue metal). You wish you'd
    gotten a spinal block before you pooed.

    SNAKE POO:- This poo is fairly soft in texture, about as thick as your
    thumb and at least 3 feet long.

    BEER, DRUNK AND MEAT PIE POO:- This happens the day after the night
    before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this one is
    B.A.D.Usually this one happens at somebody else's home and there is
    someone standing outside waiting to use the toilet.

    INDIAN FOOD POO:- (also called Screamers). You know it's alright to eat
    again when your bum stops burning.

    THE CHINESE POO:- Half an hour after having one you need to go again.

    THE EXPLOSIVE POO:- It takes speacial preparation for this poo, usually
    a combination of beans, potatoes, and bran. It blasts out like a flame
    thrower, and leaves a spray about the toilet bowl.

    CLEAN POO:- The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl,
    but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

    CROWD PLEASER POO:- This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance
    that you have to show it to someone before flushing.


    -------------------------

    987 Boxster 2.7 (05) - Current
    A3 2.0T Quattro S-Line (55) - gone
    S3 Quattro (02) - gone

    -------------------------


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  3. #2
    2nd Gear

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    No Sh1t!

  4. #3
    TDI-line's Avatar
    Uber Post Whore

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    Crap thread.

    2013 AUDI A3 SB S-LINE : 2.0 TDIQ 184 : GLACIER WHITE :
    : S-TRONIC : COMFORT PACK : SD SAT NAV : FOLDING MIRRORS : HEATED SEATS: RIGID BOOT LINER :

  5. #4
    batwad's Avatar
    4th Gear

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    This forum's going down the pan.
    03 A3 (8L) TDi quattro Sport, Aluminium Silver with leather, armrest, cruise, xenons and me at the wheel

  6. #5
    pav-g's Avatar
    4th Gear

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    This threads FULL OF SH1T!!!!

  7. #6
    C_Audiboy's Avatar
    Vroom Vroom

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    Quote Originally Posted by batwad
    This forum's going down the pan.
    Oh the old ones are the best!!!
    -------------------------

    987 Boxster 2.7 (05) - Current
    A3 2.0T Quattro S-Line (55) - gone
    S3 Quattro (02) - gone

    -------------------------


  8. #7
    Caesium's Avatar
    My BM is fixed!

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    i'm sure this is a repost u know
    Chris

    The problem with common sense, is that its not that common.

    See my images @
    http://www.christianfrench.co.uk

    Own a dreaded BMW? http://www.bmw-sport.net

  9. #8
    C_Audiboy's Avatar
    Vroom Vroom

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    Me bad
    -------------------------

    987 Boxster 2.7 (05) - Current
    A3 2.0T Quattro S-Line (55) - gone
    S3 Quattro (02) - gone

    -------------------------


  10. #9
    LPG Abuser & have VAGCOM

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    LOL
    You also have the Roger Mellies' (VIZ comic) short version.....
    Crop Spraying
    Cable laying
    Muddy Boots......

 

 

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