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  1. #1
    bravepilot's Avatar
    3rd Gear

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    Oct 2004
    Location
    South Hams, Devon, England
    Posts
    624

    New ATM machines

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    "Please note that this Bank is installing new

    Drive-through ATM machines

    enabling customers to withdraw cash

    without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are

    requested to use the procedures outlined

    below when accessing their accounts."



    "After months of careful research, MALE

    & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

    Please follow the appropriate

    steps for your gender."

    MALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

    2. Put down your car window.

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Put window up.

    7. Drive off.



    **********************************************

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:



    Unfortunately, most of this part

    is the Truth.!!!!



    1. Drive up to cash machine.

    2. Reverse and back up the required

    amount to align car window with the machine.

    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents

    on to passenger seat to locate card.

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will

    call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access

    to machine due to its excessive distance

    from the car.

    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary;

    with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate

    wallet and place cash inside.

    17. Write debit amount in check register

    and place receipt in back of checkbook.

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

    21. Retrieve card.

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card

    holder, and place card into the slot provided!

    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    27. Release Parking Brake.
    To Infinity, and beyond!

  2. # ADS
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  3. #2
    TDI-line's Avatar
    Uber Post Whore

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    Oct 2004
    Location
    Peterborough
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    Another classic.

    2013 AUDI A3 SB S-LINE : 2.0 TDIQ 184 : GLACIER WHITE :
    : S-TRONIC : COMFORT PACK : SD SAT NAV : FOLDING MIRRORS : HEATED SEATS: RIGID BOOT LINER :

  4. #3
    Rich's Avatar
    Rollin on boost mother hubbards

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    Jan 2007
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    Basingstoke
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    373
    haha :D

  5. #4
    L1 HCS's Avatar
    6th Gear
    Candy Tetris Champion, Mahjong Champion, Magic Ball Champion

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    Oct 2006
    Location
    cymru
    Posts
    4,597
    "Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening." - Frank Tyger
    "Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry." - Robert Heinlein

  6. #5
    Neutral

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    Apr 2007
    Location
    Nr Blackpool
    Posts
    93
    Quality, but oh so true. Always amazes me how long it takes women to pull away from the petrol station forecourt after paying.
    "I don't want to be a product of my environment, I want my environment to be a product of me."

    1999 Rocketship Silver S3 - Full Black Heated Leather, Bose, Armrest, Parking Sensors, Cruise Control, Sunroof, Dension Ipod Kit, Trakker.
    18" RSTT's with Eagle F1's,15mm & 10mm H&R Spacers, MTM Remap, FMIC, Milltek System & Cat, Silcone Hoses, Forge DV, Uprated Clutch, Cupra R Splitter, Tints, plus some I've probably forgot and more to come.......

  7. #6
    ak_quattro454's Avatar
    1st Gear

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    Nov 2006
    Location
    West London
    Posts
    108
    Quote Originally Posted by Smoke Breather
    Always amazes me how long it takes women to pull away from the petrol station forecourt after paying.
    that is very tru and very annoying!!

    definate classic!!!
    Audi A3 1.8Turbo Quattro, Blue, 18" RS4 Alloys, PojektZwo kit, Turbosmart dual-port valve...........

 

 

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