Badger5JMB Retrofits
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  1. #1
    smitch's Avatar
    6th Gear

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    I know it's the wrong section......

    But these are quality!!!!

    Two peanuts walk into a bar
    One was a salted
    -----------------------------------------------
    A jump-lead walks into a bar.
    The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
    -----------------------------------------------
    A sandwich walks into a bar.
    The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
    ---------------------------------------------
    A Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
    ---------------------------------------------
    A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and
    says:
    Pint for me, and one for the road
    ------------------------------------------------
    A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts.
    A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?'
    The man says "A premature ejaculation".
    "What?" says the woman.
    The man says "I've just come in my pants."
    -----------------------------------------------
    Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
    The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Two cannibals are eating a clown.
    One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
    -----------------------------------------------
    Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
    Doc says "I'll give you some cream for that."
    -----------------------------------------------
    "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
    "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "It's not unusual."
    -----------------------------------------------
    Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
    Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for
    shorts.
    The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
    -----------------------------------------------
    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
    One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?"
    The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
    -----------------------------------------------
    Answer phone message
    "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
    -----------------------------------------------
    Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull**** before
    ----------------------------------------------
    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
    And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
    It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
    Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
    --------------------------------------------
    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
    couldn't find any.
    -----------------------------------------------
    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
    And he said, "no, the steaks are too high."
    -----------------------------------------------
    My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a
    strong currant.
    -----------------------------------------------
    A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
    He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
    -----------------------------------------------
    I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
    fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you
    can't have your kayak and heat it too.
    ------------------------------------------------
    A man walks into doctor's office.
    "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
    "It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man
    "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
    "Like a glove."
    --------------------------------------------------
    Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
    with hundreds and thousands.
    Police say that he topped himself
    S4.

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  3. #2
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    Smart Roadster 03
    Ford Sportka 05

  4. #3
    SamDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by silver75
    You read it all, didn't you?

  5. #4
    TDI
    TDI's Avatar
    1st Gear

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    I think these two (silver75 & smitch) post whores are having a lovers tiff judging by their recent comments on each others posts ..LOL
    A3 TDI Sport 00
    A4 TDI Sport 04 Alacantra, Fishscale alu trim, GmbH bodykit, 6 speed box.

  6. #5
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    Quote Originally Posted by SamDude
    You read it all, didn't you?
    Read out the 1st few to a colleague then had to stop when i realised they were pants

    Smart Roadster 03
    Ford Sportka 05

  7. #6
    Tim Stuart's Avatar
    1st Gear

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    Well, they get a thumbs up from me and all of my colleagues who've just had them read out.

    Black 2.0TDi 140 Sportback S-Line

  8. #7
    Rev-head's Avatar
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    they were pretty good
    Urq RR
    S2 Coupe...RS2 +
    S2 Avant (slipper wagon spec)
    A4 AVANT TDI

  9. #8
    marmite's Avatar
    Counting the Tesco Club points

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    funny
    Audi RS6 Daytona GreyLoving all 455.7BHP of her

 

 

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