I know we have a best short joke thread but this made me LOL and thought it deserves its own thread (yes - I suppose any nationality can be used..)...

A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,"

Excuse me Miss, day ye hiv ony books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,

"F*** off, ye'll no bring it back!"