Stuck in 3rd
My wee dog
Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or
something. I call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name,
but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for
a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him.
A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in
the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking
My court case comes up next Thursday.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk
asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex.
He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this
is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I
said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I
wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until
after the wedding. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my
life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex."
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and
would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to
the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were
married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When
I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room
for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk
said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You
don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show
off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was
married" and the Judge said, "Me too."
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he
said, "Me too."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and
had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why
just the other day when I went for my first visit with the
psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like
losing a best friend and it's so lonely."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex
isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"