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  1. #1
    jdp1962's Avatar
    Grumpy Old Man

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    Best Short Joke Award

    A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

    "Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"


    "Not yet," she replied.
    A4 3.0TDi SE Quattro Auto. Factory-fit: RNS-E/bluetooth; F/R parking sensors; full leather/heated front seats; cruise. Retrofit: Remap; Eibach 30mm lowering springs, RS4 RARB; MTEC drilled/grooved discs; 18" RS4 alloys; VW fan washers; Kinetic Digitizor DAB; Blackvue DR380 camera; front armrest; ambient lighting; white LED lights; autodim mirror; Cupra splitter; S-Line door blades; tints; UK pressed plates; MFSW; SDS; TPMS; LED Taillights and DRLs.


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  3. #2
    Olly_K's Avatar
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    rofl !

  4. #3
    Caesium's Avatar
    My BM is fixed!

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    LMFAO!!!

  5. #4
    2nd Gear

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    best short joke? how about "a (dyslexic) man walks into a bra.."

  6. #5
    jdp1962's Avatar
    Grumpy Old Man

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    Quote Originally Posted by skanky
    best short joke? how about "a (dyslexic) man walks into a bra.."
    A4 3.0TDi SE Quattro Auto. Factory-fit: RNS-E/bluetooth; F/R parking sensors; full leather/heated front seats; cruise. Retrofit: Remap; Eibach 30mm lowering springs, RS4 RARB; MTEC drilled/grooved discs; 18" RS4 alloys; VW fan washers; Kinetic Digitizor DAB; Blackvue DR380 camera; front armrest; ambient lighting; white LED lights; autodim mirror; Cupra splitter; S-Line door blades; tints; UK pressed plates; MFSW; SDS; TPMS; LED Taillights and DRLs.


  7. #6
    6th Gear

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    Celine Dion walks into a bar.

    Barman says "So why the long face?"

  8. #7
    OutLore's Avatar
    VOIP Dude

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    A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer, and a mop.
    Spence
    ________________________________________
    Now: 2011 A4 Avant 2.0TDi Black Edition Multitronic Aruba Blue
    Gone at 77k: 2008 A4 Saloon 2.0TDi 140 S-Line Quartz Grey

    Gone at 80k: 2007 A3 Sportback 2.0T S-Line S-Tronic Mauritius Blue
    (4 S-Tronic boxes, 3 Mechatronics Units, 2 Dual Mass flywheels, 2 sets of engine mounts)
    Gone at 32k: 2005 A3 Sportback 2.0TDi 140 S-Line DSG
    Ebony Black

  9. #8
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    Quote Originally Posted by OutLore
    A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer, and a mop.
    and 1st prize goes to...

  10. #9
    TTdriver
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    There was a bloke that watched Dispatches the other week........................

  11. #10
    james0808's Avatar
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    A man walks into a bar "AARRRRGGGHHH" it was an iron one.

  12. #11
    joost's Avatar
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    Woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre so the barman gave her one.
    Justin

    2001 VW Golf 2.3 V5 (170) Highline, Indigo Blue - standard, for now...

    A4 (B5) SE with a few slight amendments here and there (sold)

  13. #12
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    .

  14. #13
    phantom photon's Avatar
    Reverse Gear

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    Two elephants walk off a cliff
    Boom Boom

  15. #14
    Smithzer14's Avatar
    Reverse Gear

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    Did you hear about the blind circumciser
    He got the sack!


  16. #15
    Smudge973's Avatar
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    What's the most common kind of owl in the UK ?

    A teat Owl.

    Boom Boom
    Phanton Black A4 2.0 TDI Multi, B&O, AMI, NAV, 19" wheels

  17. #16
    S4_dan's Avatar
    Fire up the Quattro!

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    Why is it not a good idea to sleep with a dyslexic dwarf??


    'cos its not big and its not clever!
    2002 2.5 V6 Quattro
    Mods Done: Q5 Rear aero wiper. Front ambient light install. Led number plate lens. Towbar with 13pin electrics.
    Mods to complete: Sport shocks to go with Eibach pro springs. Fit 17" 5 star matt black wheels. Fix lack of torque at low revs. Get a custom exhaust system fitted.

  18. #17
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    whats green and turns red at the flick of a switch?



    A frog in a liquidiser

  19. #18
    hop2407's Avatar
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    All good ones...
    Hop
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    '97 A4TS, Aqua/Green.
    Remap: 210 bhp (154 kW). 228lb/ft @ 1 Bar. Bailey DV30.


  20. #19
    Smudge973's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the IRA terrorist send to London to blow up a bus....
    He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipes.
    Phanton Black A4 2.0 TDI Multi, B&O, AMI, NAV, 19" wheels

  21. #20
    MikeA3's Avatar
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    how does bob marley like his donuts?


    wi jammin

  22. #21
    fingermouse's Avatar
    thats me

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    little jimmy gets lost ina shop and the assistant asks "what your mum like"








































    big cocks and bacardi breezers miss
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  23. #22
    TDI-line's Avatar
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    God these are aweful.

    2013 AUDI A3 SB S-LINE : 2.0 TDIQ 184 : GLACIER WHITE :
    : S-TRONIC : COMFORT PACK : SD SAT NAV : FOLDING MIRRORS : HEATED SEATS: RIGID BOOT LINER :

  24. #23
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    BMW 1 Series

  25. #24
    silver75's Avatar
    Big Ron

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    Two leppers are playing cards..
    One threw his hand in and the other laughed his head off

  26. #25
    timps's Avatar
    Shakersville

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    Whats brown and sticky?














    A stick

  27. #26
    TDI-line's Avatar
    Uber Post Whore

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    That is class Timps.

    2013 AUDI A3 SB S-LINE : 2.0 TDIQ 184 : GLACIER WHITE :
    : S-TRONIC : COMFORT PACK : SD SAT NAV : FOLDING MIRRORS : HEATED SEATS: RIGID BOOT LINER :

  28. #27
    JGrant1285's Avatar
    Sir Scouser Benitez

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    Whats green and hangs from trees??




    Giraffe snot....sorrrry!!!

  29. #28
    Olly_K's Avatar
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    2 drums and a cymbol fell off a cliff.....
    boom-boom-tish !

  30. #29
    5th Gear

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    Why was the condom flying around the room??



    It was pissed off!
    ----------
    VW Passat 2.0 TDI Sport
    2005 - 55 reg.

    A4 Avant 1.8T Sport - Sold March 09
    1997 - R reg.

  31. #30
    MarcA3Turbo's Avatar
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    Whats green and smells like pork?


    Kermits finger.
    2001 Brilliant Black A3 Turbo, Bose, Audi iPod Kit, TT pedals, S3 Spoiler

  32. #31
    jdp1962's Avatar
    Grumpy Old Man

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    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
    sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

    So he tied her up and went for a game of golf.
    A4 3.0TDi SE Quattro Auto. Factory-fit: RNS-E/bluetooth; F/R parking sensors; full leather/heated front seats; cruise. Retrofit: Remap; Eibach 30mm lowering springs, RS4 RARB; MTEC drilled/grooved discs; 18" RS4 alloys; VW fan washers; Kinetic Digitizor DAB; Blackvue DR380 camera; front armrest; ambient lighting; white LED lights; autodim mirror; Cupra splitter; S-Line door blades; tints; UK pressed plates; MFSW; SDS; TPMS; LED Taillights and DRLs.


  33. #32
    rickquattro's Avatar
    3rd Gear

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    Whats black, shiney and sails the seven seas?

    Binbag the sailor.....
    Coming back to Audi with an A3 Tdi Sportback Quattro... but the 220bhp T5 was epic....

  34. #33
    Yeee-haw
    Jason's Pong Champion

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    What's blue and f*cks grannies?

    Hypothermia

  35. #34
    Neutral

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    Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
    Last edited by S3Si; 15th September 2006 at 20:00.

  36. #35
    Adams3's Avatar
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    Two snakes, one says to the other 'are we poisonous'??

    The other says 'i dont know, why?'

    He says 'coz i just bit my lip'


    1999 AUDI S3 | AMD STAGE 2 REMAP | MILTEK CAT BACK EXHAUST | VIPER DIVERTER VALVE | EBC TURBO GROOVE DISCS | RED STUFF CERAMIC PADS | 18" RS6 REPLICA ALLOYS | ANDYMAC 'BOSE' UPGRADE.

  37. #36
    Adams3's Avatar
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    Two flies sitting on a dog sh*t.

    One fly says to the other 'Havent seen you for a while,where have you been?'

    He says 'oh ive been on the sick'.


    1999 AUDI S3 | AMD STAGE 2 REMAP | MILTEK CAT BACK EXHAUST | VIPER DIVERTER VALVE | EBC TURBO GROOVE DISCS | RED STUFF CERAMIC PADS | 18" RS6 REPLICA ALLOYS | ANDYMAC 'BOSE' UPGRADE.

  38. #37
    Yeee-haw
    Jason's Pong Champion

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    What's grey, sits at the end of the bed taking the piss?

    Kidney dialysis machine

  39. #38
    A11 EAF's Avatar
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    Wots white and can't climb trees?


    A fridge.
    Drive it like u stole it. A3 3.2 DSG S-line.

  40. #39
    A11 EAF's Avatar
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    Wot's the definition of nasal sex?


    F*$k nose.
    Drive it like u stole it. A3 3.2 DSG S-line.

  41. #40
    Just Plain Old's Avatar
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    Man visits the zoo, there was only one dog there.........

    It was a ****zu...!
    In my personal opinion

 

 
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