Best Short Joke Award

I stand corrected said the man in the orthopeadic shoe.......
 
why do women call it pms?????

cos bse was taken
 
What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your trousers?
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your mum.
 
bought viagra the other day form ma mate down the pub, went home swallowed it, got stuck in my throat and i was up all nite with a stiff neck
 
A Perfect man and a Perfect woman and farther christmas were standing in a lift

there was a ten pound note on the floor who picks it up.



The man of course the others dont exist.......




(ok apart from my wife)
 
bloke walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under one arm - "one for me and one for the road"

I thankyou..
 
An icecream man was found dead in his van covered in hundreds and thousands and smothered in strawberry sauce... Police say he topped himself.
 


A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
:whip:



 
Bloke goes to the doctor's "Doc, I've got a strawberry stuck up my ****".

"No problem, I've got some cream you can put on it"

:doctor:
 
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?




He had to work it out with a pencil.
 
Man goes to the doctor and says 'doctor i can't stop singing Delila'.

The doctor says 'aah, seems to me like you've got a case of Tom Jones syndrome'

The man says 'is it common?'

The doc says 'it's not unusual'
 
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something,. We have a case of gonorrhea ithe convent."
"Thank God", said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of the chardonay"
 
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
 
woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
 
BUMP

What's the first sign of madness?








Suggs walking up your driveway.
 
A white horse walks into a bar, the barman says "We've got a drink named after you", the horse replies "What? Kevin?"
 
What do a washing machine and a woman have in common?
They both leak when they're f@;#ed
 
Whats the difference between a woman & a washing machine......

a washing machine won't keep calling & texting you after you've dumped your load in it.
 
Whats the difference between groping Kylie and driving a Lada?



You feel a right tit driving a Lada.
 
Hunchback of Notre Dame walks into a pub.
HBND:"I'll have a whisky"?
Barman: "Bells alright?"
HBND: "mind your own fxxkin business!"

'ere all week!
 
mc119856 said:
Whats the difference between a woman & a washing machine......

a washing machine won't keep calling & texting you after you've dumped your load in it.
Click to expand...

Excellent!
 
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