A police officer pulled over a speeding car. The officer said, "I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver replied , "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60;
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting, the wife said, "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer wrote out the ticket, the driver looked over at his wife
and growled, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiled demurely and said, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."
As the officer made out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowered at his wife and said through clenched teeth,
"Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowned and said, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver said, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could take my license out of my
The wife said, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer was writing out the third ticket, the driver
turned to his wife and barked, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?"
The officer looked over at the woman and asked, "Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
She replied, "Only when he's been drinking."