I heard that they found about 200 dead crows near Kirkwall, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with HGVs, and only 2% were killed by car impact.
The council then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kill. The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly determined the cause: apparently when crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "HGVs".
The Pope goes over to Ireland. He bumps into Paddy and asks him "What's life like in County Down?" and Paddy told him "It isn't the same since Carol Vorderman left."
My mate has just got his kids a trampoline and bikes for Christmas off the internet.
I asked him which website he saw them on and he said: "Google Earth"!
My doctor advised me to cut out saturated fat
It’s put an end to s******g the wife in the shower
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."