Iíve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

Iíve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

Iíve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

Iíve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, youíd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

Iíve learned that you shouldnít compare yourself to others Ė theyíre more screwed up than you think.

Iíve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think youíre finished.

Iíve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Iíve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

Iíve learned that 99% of the time when something isnít working in your house, one of your kids did it.

Iíve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

Pass this along to [ ] friends.. trust me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen.

If not.. tough ****.