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Thread: She's gone

  1. #1
    MingeBlue's Avatar
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    She's gone

    Girlfriend of 9 years left me today, lived with her 8 years. She came in kissed me good bye and went off to work, everything seemed normal, came home though from and found she had pretended to go to work, but then had waited for me to leave for work came back and moved out, came back to a dear john letter spoke to her and she is 100% sure she wants out says no there is no one else but she wasnt happy, first I knew of it. What do I do chase her or let go .... ? Going to have to sell the frigging house now and in this sh*tty housing m*rket.

    Man did not see this comming.
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  3. #2
    Kontraband's Avatar
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    woah... that sucks... good luck with whatever path you choose,!

  4. #3
    Nilz's Avatar
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    Whoa, thats stink!!!

    Any ideas on why??

    Just sit down and discuss like adults and see what outcome you get to??

    Sorry to hear that mate

  5. #4
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    Hi Mingblue,Really feel your pain....we have all been there at some point in our lives.I suggest you talk to her because nine years is not a joke.Try and talk to her and find out why she's leaving.Women are like a running stream you have to continue to surprise her.Secondly for a woman to really leave,she getting attention some where else but then i could be wrong.So do try and talk to her and give her some space,you never know she might come back.Everything happens for a reason. Take care and hang in there.

  6. #5
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    That's grim dude, sorry to read it...

    It would seem really odd to just happen out of the blue, nine years in, with no prior signs of anything not being right...

    I guess the first thing I'd say is try to consider the situation calmly, and to that end give yourself some time and space just as much her before deciding on what to do. It's only natural that you might need time to consider things carefully if you're going to proceed the right way when something like that happens, especially when it's so unexpected.

    I'd be really surprised if she could just instantly give up on all that time without any attempt to sort it out at all - and if she could (if that's what becomes clear in the coming few days/weeks/whatever), I'd be left with some questions. But whatever's going on at the moment, I'd say give the situation a bit of time and space, and don't get obsessed about it/with her. Let the dust settle a bit, and once it has, if you're keen to in yourself, try to arrange a neutral place to meet and chat about things, maybe over coffee in Starbucks or something?...

    Hope you get an outcome you're happy with...

    Regards,

    Rob.
    The truth they're trying to keep from you is that IPv6 has nothing to do with address space; we're actually running out of full stops.

  7. #6
    rickparmar's Avatar
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    damn sorry to hear that mate,

    i would probably NOT chase her and let her go, once shes gone and with you not contacting her, she should realise shes made a mistake,

    by chasing her your the one who would be getting more hurt,

    hope everything works out for you mate
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  8. #7
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    Thats deep, sorry to hear that man.

    I think the only 2 things you can do now is communicate and then give it for some time, like rick has said, leave it for a while see if she can last without you.

    Have to say tho, and i apologise if its out of place.. abit of a ****ty way to leave it after 9 years, im not sure if i would chase someone who ended things with out trying to sort it at least... in this case i also have to slightly agree with smitch as it doesnt make sense to just up and leave with out some sort of conversation/confrontation before hand.. attention else where would be an interesting angle to see it.

    Just remember the old saying there is plenty more fish in the sea, as cliche as it sounds, IF it is definatly over for you two, there are so many more girls out there that im sure you'd get on with.

    Keep your head high mate, one of lifes lessons.
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  9. #8
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    So sorry to hear that MB, don't chase her. She's got her reasons and that's why she left. But you've got to be strong and move on. You can hang on to the happy moments, but time is a good healer and in things will get better. It probably wasn't all sunshine and roses (like all relationships), but 'you're the man' set her free. If its meant to be you'll be together in the end.
    "Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening." - Frank Tyger
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  10. #9
    Kontraband's Avatar
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    if it makes you happier MingeBlue I thought this post was from Ming Blue, who I thought I'd seen with FM, and then thought she (Ming Blue) was a carpet muncher.. (did I say that or just think it?) which made me make a comment that had no orientation in it at all.

    Since seeing Ming Blue's post tho.. I now know what I thought was wrong, and that I now know you are MingeBlue and she is Ming Blue...


  11. #10
    FactionOne's Avatar
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    So by FM do you mean FO then?

    Regards,

    Rob.
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  12. #11
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    Really sorry to hear.. What reason did she give?
    It is hard at first. I came out of a 8 and half year relationship over a year ago so i know how your feeling.
    At first its hard but you do come out the other side and life becomes even better tyhan before.
    Everything happens for a reason,
    Keep your chin up.
    My advise is try not to beg for her back.
    What will be will be.

  13. #12
    Kontraband's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FactionOne View Post
    So by FM do you mean FO then?

    Regards,

    Rob.

    HAHAHAH opps... yeah... now Im getting FM mixed up with FO!!


    I'll go now...

  14. #13
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    Sorry to hear that dude. We all know its hard on you. As has already been said... dont beg/chase her. However a good chat to find out exactly where it went wrong will be better as you're not wondering all the time what happened. Maybe she just needed some space and she'll come back... maybe not. Either way chin up mate. Life goes on. Its hard at the beginning but it'll get better after time. When you find someone else, it'll be the best feeling in the world.

    One thing that I will suggest is keep yourself busy. Find things to do, go out with mates, do things you've never done before that you'll enjoy. Helps keep your mind off her and makes it better you for
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  15. #14
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    Sorry to hear this MingeBlue. Thats some serious underhanded & chicken thing for her to do on her part by pretending to go to work, wait for you to leave & then go back to move herself out! Only thing I can suggest is not to let your love cloud your judgement at this time. Something is amis if she can give you no signs of being unhappy and then leave like that. Suggest a chat on neutral ground eg a pub/restaurant/park out of the way somewhere to talk about stuff. It may be something that can be fixed, it may not, but be open & honest & dont get mad if she start critisising you, there's obviously something thats caused this to happen.

    As for the house, given the current market conditions it may be better for you to consider getting a lodger. Saves having to give up your home and probably losing money some money on the move, plus you'll have someone to chat sh1t to when you come home.

    Best of luck to you though.
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  16. #15
    fingermouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kontraband View Post
    HAHAHAH opps... yeah... now Im getting FM mixed up with FO!!


    I'll go now...
    and thereas me thinking id done something and missed out on remembering lol


    sorry to hear your bad news, If you can try and keep the house as with the relationship don`t ask me im useless as ppl stuff tbh
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  17. #16
    marriedblonde's Avatar
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    A similar thing happened to a mate of mine. She came back during the day and took everything. Claimed she had had enough and just wasn't happy, swore blind no one else was involved. But there's no smoke without fire I'm affraid...

    My advice. Give both of you a couple of days and then ask to see her to sort things out. Meet somewhere neutral, a park for example. Not a pub or restaurant as I'm guessing it's going to be emmotional. Talk things through and then move on. I think if you don't speak to her face to face your going to spend a lot of time asking yourself why, what happened etc.

    J.
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  18. #17
    MingeBlue's Avatar
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    Thanks for the support everyone, last night I was just in total shock.
    I agree with the comment about there being no smoke without fire in terms of there being someone else, but I'm not 100% sure if there is someone else, she is adamant there isn't mmmm I spoke again to her last night, she seems 100% sure says she had been thinking about for the last 6 months, says she didnt think we would be happy long term which I dont understand as we had already been together 9 years. We did row but most couples do, she had a very firey temper but I put up with that and I thought after 9 years we had an understanding on that score. She said she made her mind up last week after a little tiff we had, she said she left the way she did as she didnt want a scene which I suppose is fair enough, but obviously her kissing me good bye and then doing what she did left me very confused. She says she didnt make the decision easily and pointed out the fact that due to leaving me it will probably mean she will never have kids (due to womens issue she was told she would only be able to get pregnant up to about 32 years old). I also know her well enough to know also that once she has made a decision she will stick to it.

    Ahh well nothing I can do she has made her decision it seems, I will just have to let her go try and move on and see what happens, at least I can look at a younger replacement model now and get a new car , plus at least I wasnt married and no kids are involved.

    I have thought about renting a room out but house is in joint names, I would have to buy her out which I can do but wouldnt want to do for another 6 months by which hopefully prices will have got to there lowest. Main problem is we due to complete on a remortgage end of this month but I have to pull that now as it had 2 years early repayment so need to switch to something that doesnt, recon we are going to have 2 mortgage payments at standard variable rate 7% so very expensive, I can see this is going to cost me a lot.

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  19. #18
    Kontraband's Avatar
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    hahahah you and me probably shouldnt EVER be in a room together!

  20. #19
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    HAHAHA, yeah, in LottieWorld you would.. *la la la laa*

  21. #20
    marriedblonde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kontraband View Post
    hahahah you and me probably shouldnt EVER be in a room together!

    Congratulations, admitting your a sex pest. Thats a start on the road to recovery.
    Married and blonde yes, but still a guy with a poor taste in usernames!

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  22. #21
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    Feelings go out to ya mate, really do! When there's a house involved, it gets messy financially. If you need any free impartial Mortgage advice just holla, im a fully qualified adviser.
    Time heals, cliche but true, with life as one door slams shut, more will open up. Broke my heart when my ex left, but then I looked at what was good in my life, and Im living it for ME to the full. I still see her out and about, and I know i came out best, she's seeing some fat minger, who used to be my friend, lives in a **** hole, and I think HAHAHA!
    Times like this you find out who your mates are.
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  23. #22
    Kontraband's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kontraband View Post
    NOT Originally Posted by Kontraband
    Yes you would win Almighty Lottie. In fact, I am really a lickle cry baby with no strength let alone assertiveness, so I would sorely lose against you in a virbal and physical war.
    Quote Originally Posted by LottieA3 View Post
    I concur.


    HAHHAAH now that is EXACTLY what I'm talking about!






    But, back on topic!!

  24. #23
    fingermouse's Avatar
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    if you fancy buying the house in 6 months just put it on the market at a inflated price then in 6 months get a real valuation and buy it then. ( probally just put it on for what its worth no ones buying anyhow )


    Im also with Nationwide they are v good , only 8 years left on my 10 year deal oh and thats at 5.18% lololol
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  25. #24
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    sucks dude how old are you both? My advice dont see/speak to her and let her come to you if she doesn't then you should be glad you got rid of her now rather than her doing it when your over the hill and its too late for you to find someone new!

  26. #25
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    did she find out your audi-sport username?

    on a serious note I'd put money on her seeing someone else as they are devious creatures

  27. #26
    fingermouse's Avatar
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    voorhees do not try to understand or explain a womans mind its impossible, black can be black or it can be white depends if its on the left or that left is right lol
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  28. #27
    g60jet's Avatar
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    if she said in the note there's no ones else then there is, let her go, as for selling the house, dont worry about it, speak to your bank asap. explain the situation before it gets bad. As for selling, obviously you'd need to buy something else, but that will be dropping like yours. Frankly is she didn't talk it through then theres someone else or she's not thought it through.

    Rules with a women never ever go back they will do it again what ever it is. but thats just me
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  29. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by fingermouse View Post
    voorhees do not try to understand or explain a womans mind its impossible, black can be black or it can be white depends if its on the left or that left is right lol
    Ermmmm...what was the question again?

  30. #29
    fingermouse's Avatar
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    dunno but they don`t make sence and are v v devious.
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  31. #30
    unkle's Avatar
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    Id at least speak to her, could of been anything that triggered the split and if all it takes is a simple chat to fix it then theres no point in cutting your nose to spite your face. If after talking your still no better then at least you gave it your best shot, better than doing nothing and then wondering about it all the time for the next few months, letting it eat you up inside and depressing you.

    Oh and if it is over, hit the gym, nothing p***** off a woman more than them seeing you in a few months time looking better and with a nicer bird.
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  32. #31
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    Well its nearly 5 weeks now she has gone so heres the update... She isnt coming back still claims there is no one else and after asking around I believe her. When I first spoke to her after she had gone she said she just needed time and space, I gave it to her but she still decided no.

    Still dont really understand why she said she just wasnt happy and listed a load of things, some of them were my fault but most of them were things I couldnt change, like the fact I had spent most w/e for last 2 years doing house, she wanted it done.

    It has been very diffcult for last 5 weeks I must admit, but feeling alot better now, I hit the gym big time, lost over a stone in weight, got buff and got a second date with a new lady tomorrow, probably a rebound thing but screw it, litterally Looking forward to summer and the ladies......

    She is pretty messed up money wise now, but Im not helping her, she left me so its her problem. She turned up at the house drunk late Monday night said she was staying because she was still paying her part of mortgage couldnt say no so had to let her stay, spoke to her again and its like she has been replaced by a different person so wierd, she said with 3 weeks of leaving me she had slept with some other bloke just to get me out of her system, b*tch I didn't need to know that .

    Anyway moral of the story is 'f*ck her', her loss not mine , it was hard, Im sure Im going to have bad days but I'm actually glad now, I can look a younger model lol 23-25 would be ideal . Wedding money is going to be blown on a new motor looking at a Porsche Cayman at leat the Porsche wont shout and moan at me
    Last edited by MingeBlue; 23rd July 2008 at 22:36.
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  33. #32
    ALPINE's Avatar
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    woooo dude! hope your ok (as you could be in this situation) obviously i dont know you but i can only feel for you man. As said above, there has to be some reason for her to leave and imo what she has done is childish and cowerdish. Any adult who has spent 9 years of there life with someone should at least have the decency to try and talk things through. something aint right if ya ask me. i would also not chase her but simply ring her once giving her the chance to talk things through. If she does not then you know it aint to be and she obviously aint the person you thought she was.

    at the end of the day its up to you 2 what you do as its your relationship. From a geezas point of view keep ya chin up and dont let her run rings round ya!

    all the best mate, hope you resolve things.

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  34. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by MingeBlue View Post
    Mate, my wee bro is going through just this right now too. And from personal experience I know what ex's can be like with rubbing salt into your wounds.

    She obviously isn't coming back, so get out there and enjoy yourself and the "right" one will come along with time.

    As said before, I wish you all the best. Time is a healer.

  35. #34
    Z82
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    Phew! Didnt see this post first time round but when I saw it now I thought you had lost your car!

    Seriously dude women are strange buggers and lets face it if it wasnt for the hole and titties we wouldn't have any thing to do with them would we??

    I got kicked out after 11 years of marraige, after I got over the original shock (took me a good 6mth) I started to socialise again and I had a blast
    Now settled down with my GF of 3 years and happy (well as happy as can be when a womans involved lol)

    In a year or so you will be glad of the situation. Just ride the storm now and try and make good of the bad. Go buy yourself a new car with the wedding money

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  36. #35
    Nilz's Avatar
    Defo worth the wait :)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Z82 View Post

    Seriously dude women are strange buggers and lets face it if it wasnt for the hole and titties we wouldn't have any thing to do with them would we??
    PMSL!!!

  37. #36
    Z82
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    Well, would you be friends with a woman otherwise?

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  38. #37
    Nilz's Avatar
    Defo worth the wait :)

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    Money??????

    Nah actually forget that one!!!

  39. #38
    Z82
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    Haaha . See!

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  40. #39
    mattfinn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z82 View Post
    Well, would you be friends with a woman otherwise?
    A man after my own heart!

    Best way to properly get over someone, is have someone climbing all over you! Has to be fitter aswell!

    Good luck with the 2nd date fella, and by all means, DO NOT mention the ex! Also, no comparing her to you ex, like its so easily done if there's feelings still swirling round in your head/pants.

    Im 3 months out of my relation****, and after sleeping with some randoms/mates/ex-work colleagues, it is fully out of my system, so am now concerntrating on work and Thai boxing. Also spending a **** load of time with my real mates, and having a blast in Singleville!
    8P S3 S-Tronic BE. Stage 2 from Awesome GTi.

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  41. #40
    Nickynibbles's Avatar
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    Good to hear your getting along ok, sounds like your on the right road at any rate! One thing though just putting my sensible hat on for a second, would it not be sensible to use the money to get her off the mortgage instead of splashing it out on a Porsche? Nice car indeed but maybe the roof over your head should take priority? At least then you'll have yourself a nice big bachelor pad to snare those new laydees!!

    Good luck tonight, we want all the gossip tomorrow ok?!!
    A4 3.0 Quattro Sport - Gone & missed everyday!

    Current road going missile.....

    ........Smart Roadster - arguably the most fun you can have in a car without using lube!!

 

 
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