****** hell, thats sore!!

20 odd years ago (when I still lived at home with my parents and brothers) my younger brother came in from a night of serious drinking. Everyone else had gone to bed long before and he decided to cook himself some super.

Right, no problem so far as I'm sure this is something we have all done.

His choice of early hours snack?..... boil in the bag kippers!

He put a pan of water on to boil and put the kippers in the water. Went into the lounge to wait for them to cook........... and promptly fell to sleep.

20 minutes later, the pan had boiled dry and the whole house was filled with a thick rancid stink of burning kippers for about three weeks.

It's fair to say my mother went mental!


This is the same brother who returned from the pub one evening when my other brother had brought his new girlfriend to meet the parents. He was steaming drunk and walked into the dining room where were were all sat around the table talking. And he promptly whipped his 'member' out and plonked it on the table.

He has not improved with age! However the then girlfriend of my brother is now my sister-in-law so obviously my younger brothers antics were not sufficient to put her off.

a lad i once knew tested the temp of the chip pan with his finger!!!!!!! deep fried finger

The other friday evening upon arriving home from a wedding reception with a free bar. I was making up a couploe of vodka and cokes for myself and Claire. Got the ice out of the freezer and it was in one solidd lump. So I grab a knife from the block on the side and managed to stb myself in the hand. Claire walked in mutter I had better not bleed on her ice and walked off to the lounge...

I seem to have a reverse hunger whilst drunk, and it helps me avoid the post pub kebab shop fight and muck trucks. I am not adverse to some drunken injuries though!

I once whilst in a drunken stupor came home and decided to cook some hot dogs, anyway cut the rolls ok but whilst putting the hot dogs into the rolls I accidentally placed my cork in a roll ( i had forgot to put it back in my trousers after ******* in the sink ) anyway took a bite out of the roll and severed me bell end Stuck it back on with superglue and so far so good but saying that me and the mrs havent had sex for 12 years so havent really tested it out

Onlyme said:

I once whilst in a drunken stupor came home and decided to cook some hot dogs, anyway cut the rolls ok but whilst putting the hot dogs into the rolls I accidentally placed my cork in a roll ( i had forgot to put it back in my trousers after ******* in the sink ) anyway took a bite out of the roll and severed me bell end Stuck it back on with superglue and so far so good but saying that me and the mrs havent had sex for 12 years so havent really tested it out

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Proper UDI that one! :icon_thumright:

Onlyme said:

I once whilst in a drunken stupor came home and decided to cook some hot dogs, anyway cut the rolls ok but whilst putting the hot dogs into the rolls I accidentally placed my cork in a roll ( i had forgot to put it back in my trousers after ******* in the sink ) anyway took a bite out of the roll and severed me bell end Stuck it back on with superglue and so far so good but saying that me and the mrs havent had sex for 12 years so havent really tested it out

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so you got married 12 years ago then yeah?

yeah, your mates dont pre warn you about the sex drying up if i wanted to spend the rest of me life yanking i would have stayed living with me mum as i only used to give her £15 Out of £300