JMB RetrofitsEM Tuning
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  1. #1
    clcollins's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Fifth Gear - a steaming turd, I think so

    Just watched tonight’s Fifth Gear and I’m seething, some scum bag owes me an hour of my life back. Has there ever been a more pointless, poorly produced, badly presented car programme. We haven’t even started the dangleberry of a presenter that is Johnny Smith, he looks like the ******* love child of Ali G and Nosferatu.

    The format a so very poor, the café setting is hackneyed, cheap and outdated. In an entire hour there was only one small piece about new or current cars.

    Other offerings were chauffer training with the women from Radio 2 who does the travel news, perfect face for radio.

    A test between a Nissan 350Z and BMW Z4, not exactly new models are they, and the tests were useless, a filler piece that served no purpose.

    Another steaming offering was one with the ever annoying Tom Ford about a Smart car on a Unimog chassis, if the desired effect was a gay monster truck then job done.

    You Tube etc is more interesting than this programme, ok so I’m partially to blame, I should have put my foot through the TV after 5 minutes; therefore I’m only looking for half an hour of my life back.

    This programme is a sick dog and the only kind thing to do is put it down with a lethal pulling of the plug, falling that bring it round to my house and I’ll kick it to death.
    Audi A3 1.9TDI Sport Quattro

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  3. #2
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    Yep I don't even bother to Sky+ it anymore - I had about half a dozen taking up valuable disk space unwatched and I just deleted them. I used to love VBH but that show has ruined her.

    I liked Clarksons rant about them on the new series of TG.

  4. #3
    fingermouse's Avatar
    thats me

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    welll it was on my tv and i didnt even watch it so boring
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  5. #4
    Hotscar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clcollins

    A test between a Nissan 350Z and BMW Z4, not exactly new models are they, and the tests were useless, a filler piece that served no purpose.
    The 350Z is a revised model and has 20bhp (or so) more than the old version and I'm not sure the 3 litre engine in the Z4 has always been 265bhp so maybe that was the point of the test. Even so, I agree, total pants...I was even tempted to take over the ironing from the missus!
    Unmolested Ming blue S3 (so it doesn't handle or stop very well), Bose, sunroof and centre armrest but no heated seats - Gone but not forgotten although I am enjoying the new 350CLK!

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  6. #5
    Nickynibbles's Avatar
    Damn it where's 7th gear when you need it?!

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    Glad there's so many like minded people on here, I thought it was total ****e, I accidentally flicked over to a re-run at 9pm on Five Life out of curriosity & it was more interesting than the new episode!! Never been a major fan anyway of the show anyway.

    On a different note, is it just me or do you think Vicky would be a dirty little minx in the sack???!!!!!
    A4 3.0 Quattro Sport - Gone & missed everyday!

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  7. #6
    clcollins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nickynibbles
    On a different note, is it just me or do you think Vicky would be a dirty little minx in the sack???!!!!!

    It's a given that all posh birds are dirty little minxes in the sack........ but what going on with her skin, she either smokes 40 a day or hit's the sun beds daily.

    ........anyway, back to kicking the $hite out of Fifth Gear. The Fifth Gear website say that 'Johnny Smith' is a motoring journalist with tens years experience, at 28 years old I think not.

    My understanding is that he work for Max Power magazine, so what can we understand from that, (1) he has no history of assessing and reviewing ‘normal’ cars, (2) therefore his experience and interpretation of a good car is something along the lines of a Nissan Almera with a crap body kit, gaudy interior, more neon lights than Las Vegas, a sprinkling of clichéd graphics, some chrome bits, caps, covers etc in the engine bay, but essentially leaving the engine as useless as it ever was, essentially a plastic bowl for puking in (or on) with a sewing machine engine. What a [ insert your derogatory term of choice here ] he is.
    Audi A3 1.9TDI Sport Quattro

  8. #7
    jojo's Avatar
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    Yup, I prefer European Supercar roadtrip features of Topgear



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  9. #8
    jcs356's Avatar
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    Having only just got channel 5 courtesy of Sky (I live in an area where I can't get analogue channel 5 or Freeview until 2012) I've watched 2 episodes and whilst it isn't up to TGs standard IMO it is still worth watching. Last week they had that Gumpert Apollo thingy with a Biturbo RS4/R8 enging which is going to be at Audi Driver.

    I've already voiced my opinions elsewhere that TG was getting a bit far fetched - remember that one where they resurfaced a road??? WTF was that on about. Anyway, the Supercars slot on Sunday was excellent and that has to be the best TG for a while. Hope they keep the standards up.
    Jason
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  10. #9
    naefeart_A4's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jcs356
    I've already voiced my opinions elsewhere that TG was getting a bit far fetched - remember that one where they resurfaced a road??? WTF was that on about...
    Fifth gear is nubbins, but I have to agree with jcs, sometimes TG just turns into the Jeremy Clarkson show (more so than usual) and they really lose the plot.

    I remember when JC left Topgear and it was Tiff and Vics presenting (Quentin was around somewhere), one time they raced an audi quat sport and an Evo 6 round a track. Imho I think that was Topgear at its best.

    Liking the new series thou Although please no more James May in the nude


    N
    A4 1.8T Quattro Sport | H&R Springs | Milltek Cat-back | Custom Code Stage 1 | 18" BBS RXs | Falken 452s |

  11. #10
    Self Confessed Nightmare!

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    Quote Originally Posted by naefeart_A4
    Liking the new series thou Although please no more James May in the nude

    N
    i'd quite happily swap hammond to the position of nakedness lol
    "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"


  12. #11
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    If you think that is ****, watch Pulling Power with Mike "Cockney ****er" Brewer. Now that bloke really is a pillock.

  13. #12
    Festa's Avatar
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    Yep, i agree, fifth gear is just poor, shame the tests and stuff can't be as good as the cars they give away every week, how the hell can they afford to do that???

    Top Gear is the best motoring show on TV, i'm loving the channel Dave right now, every day they're showing an older episode of Top Gear, yesterday i saw the one when they bought the 3 coupes all under £1500, loved it.

  14. #13
    fingermouse's Avatar
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    how the hell can they afford to do that???

    well at a quid a call they don`t need many ppl to pay for the car twice over
    red to red black to black blue to bits

  15. #14
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    Vroom Vroom gets my vote as the ****iest car program on TV, actually makes 5th Gear look good.

  16. #15
    benw123's Avatar
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    Yeah Fifth Gear is a poor relation of Top Gear. They try too hard to match the Beeb but would probably attract a bigger audience if they simply tested cars and looked at modern motoring issues.
    2004 A3 Sportback 2.0TDI SE, RNS-E Sat Nav SW0650 TMC, 17" Star Alloys, Xenons, DIS, Rear Mats & Sunblind, Alu trim, Ebony Black pearlescent
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  17. #16
    jojo's Avatar
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    The only good thing about 5th gear is the time slot, there's nothing else on at that time, so we really have no choice but to watch.



    99' Audi S3(APY) - Brilliant Black Click>>>Going Sideways vid!
    You've got to have a laugh! For Sale:LCR Brakes - ÂŁ400



  18. #17
    fallmonk's Avatar
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    Only reason i ever watched it was VBH
    but even now i cant bear to watch it !
    well if she goes topless i might come back lol!
    I bought a convertable in the wettest country in the world who says Scotsmen dont have a sense of humour !

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  19. #18
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    Although I don't take Top Gear seriously, I still find it entertaining.

  20. #19
    Nickynibbles's Avatar
    Damn it where's 7th gear when you need it?!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Festa
    i'm loving the channel Dave right now, every day they're showing an older episode of Top Gear, yesterday i saw the one when they bought the 3 coupes all under Ł1500, loved it.
    Seen the "Dave" channel too, what kind of a random name for a TV channel is that?!!

    Lets hope that cuts to BBC programming dont mean there's less flash cars & other stuff on Top Gear in the next series!
    A4 3.0 Quattro Sport - Gone & missed everyday!

    Current road going missile.....

    ........Smart Roadster - arguably the most fun you can have in a car without using lube!!

  21. #20
    jcs356's Avatar
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    Fifth Gear did award the R8 their car of the year last night...
    Jason
    2001 Nogaro S3 (daily driver)

    1958 replica Porsche 356 Speedster (summer posing)
    1997 Seat Cordoba SX 16v (track day toy) replacing (t)rusty 1994 Seat Ibiza GTi RIP

  22. #21
    hud at ye bam

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    Quote Originally Posted by clcollins
    My understanding is that he work for Max Power magazine, so what can we understand from that, (1) he has no history of assessing and reviewing ‘normal’ cars, (2) therefore his experience and interpretation of a good car is something along the lines of a Nissan Almera with a crap body kit, gaudy interior, more neon lights than Las Vegas, a sprinkling of clichéd graphics, some chrome bits, caps, covers etc in the engine bay, but essentially leaving the engine as useless as it ever was, essentially a plastic bowl for puking in (or on) with a sewing machine engine. What a [ insert your derogatory term of choice here ] he is.
    Must be a common theme with 5th gear. VBH started at Max Power too. I remember reading her write-ups when I was modding my Nova. Still wouldn't touch her with someone elses.
    [/sarcasm]

 

 

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