When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I dialled what I thought was Robyn's number A man answered, saying,
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "There's no Robyn here. Get
the right f**king number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyns
correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!" and
I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "a$$hole calling"
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window,
which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is," he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd., in Ventura. It's a yellow house, and the
car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an a$$hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. Then I came up with
an idea. I called a$$hole #1.
"You're an a$$hole!" But I didn't hang up.
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"a$$hole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd in Ventura, a yellow house, with my
black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole," and hung up.
Then I called a$$hole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a$$hole!" I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34
Mowbray Blvd, Ventura, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in
Mowbray Blvd., Ventura.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in
time to watch the two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front
of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger Management really works....
Uber Post Whore
Re: Anger Management
That is class, one of the best ever. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ok.gif[/img]
Re: Anger Management
Awesome dude! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]