Welcome to the new revised 2006 golf lingo

An Adolf Hitler - taking two shots in a bunker

An Arthur Scargill - a great strike, but a poor result

A Kate Winslett - a bit fat, but otherwise perfect

A Rodney King - over-clubbed

An O.J. Simpson - somehow got away with it

A Condom - safe, but didn't feel real good

A sister-in-law - up there, but I know that I shouldn't be

A Sally Gunnell - ugly, but a good runner

A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell, but still a good runner

A Kate Moss - a bit thin

A Gerry Adams - when you hit a 'provisional'

Putting lingo

A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read

A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't