A polar bear decides to go to the beach as it is a nice sunny day,
after driving for a few hours he almost arrives at his destination
then he notices that the oil pressure on his car has started to drop,
luckily he noticed he had just driven past a garage so he turns
the car round and pulls in, he tells the mechanic the problem, the
mechanic tells the polar bear to go off for an hour or so and then come
back as he should then know what the problem is. So the polar bear
decides to go for a walk down the beach, an hour later the polar bear
returns to the garage and find the guy looking at his car, the mechanic
says "Looks like you've blown a seal" to which the polar bear says
"No I've just eaten an Ice cream".
A teacher at school is trying to emphasise to her pupils the point of having a good breakfast, and how it makes you cleverer than those who don't eat it. To make a point, she asks John, the cleverest boy in the class what he had for breakfast: "Muesli and a slice of wholemeal toast with jam miss" and she asks him how many states there are in America "50 miss".
She then asks Jenny, the cleverest girl in the class what she had for breakfast: "A big bowl of frosties and a big glass of orange juice miss" and she asks her what the longest river in the world is "the Nile miss"
She then turns around and asks Billy, the stupidest kid in the class what he ate: "I had a stale crust for breakfast miss". The class giggled, the teacher tutted and told him he should have something more substantial. "Okay Billy, can you tell me where the Indian border is?"
"Oh that's easy!" Exclaimed Billy "He's in bed with me mam. That's why I only had a stale crust for my breakfast!"
Why shouldn't you wear Russian boxer shorts?
'Cos Chernobyl fall out
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ****!
There was a young fellow called Cyril
Who was raped in the **** by a squirrel
He liked it so good
That he stayed in the wood
For as long as the squirrel stayed virile
There was a young man from Bombay
Who fashioned a c*nt out of clay
The heat of his *****
Turned the clay into brick
And ripped all his foreskin away
two condoms walking down the street when they happen upon a gay bar. One says to the other, Come on, lets go in here and get sh!t-faced!
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